Intimacy in HD (for MEN only)

Kuehl Family-1092Everybody knows that most men are not hard to please. If you know what I mean… and I think you do! The goal of this post is to better understand the potential benefits of intimacy. It’s a process that we develop into, not a perfection that is randomly given to a select few. Every man can and should grow in this area! Lets look at how we can see Intimacy in HD…

1. Embrace the Chase… Intimacy is an evolving process too difficult to master without God . Once you think you have conquered your wife’s desires, likes, dislikes, needs etc… think again. Once we think we have her figured out and wrapped around our little finger, she unleashes an atomic bomb of emotions that blasts us into reality. What man doesn’t like a good chase anyway? It’s what makes marriage fun and interesting! God designed your wife to be an  ever changing creation hiding in the tangled mess of life’s dangerous terrain, to be rescued and protected from harm. If she feels like you don’t care to seek her out in some way, intimacy begins to wain. EMBRACE THE CHASE! It’s fun. Most women love that their husbands chase them…they WILL test you! Trust me! They want to know that even though you’ve already “caught” them, they are still worth chasing…and that you still have FUN chasing them.

2. The Warm-Up… If I want food NOW, I microwave a meal (or poor a bowl of cereal). It’s fast, convenient and satisfying. I do not put much time and thought into it.  Men are like microwavable meals that can be heated up within minutes. Seriously, it does not take much for us to get intimate. Once we know intimacy is inevitable, the launch sequence is activated and Houston is simply counting down from 10. Women on the other hand are designed to warm up with time, trust, love and affection. Your wife is not a microwave. She is more like  a crock-pot. My wife likes to make crock-pot meals on Sundays. She puts all the ingredients in the pot before we leave for church, and by lunch we have a fantastic meal. The meal took 6 hours to cook, simmer, roast, boil and prepare. Intimacy for your wife begins weeks and months before the show. She is prepared through the way you treated her the past month. She’s marinated with the way you embraced her when you came home from work. She’s seasoned with the way you play with your children, and how clean your body is. She’s tenderized by how messy the house is, the comfort of the bedroom, the bills being paid etc… and the list goes on. You not only have to take into account all of these ingredients but you have to give her time to warm up! Be patient and work hard at being the man of her dreams. It takes TIME, but it’s so worth it!!

3. Holding Back…Have you ever played a sport with a guy who played for himself? I have. He may be the best player on the roster, but if he plays for himself chances are the whole team is going to lose. Intimacy is not a game you can play for yourself. You have to include your wife in accomplishing a win. You have to give up the desire of a heroic score in order for her to be part of the team. You are not the goal in the marriage bed… its a team effort. Your wife’s desires and needs are the goal in intimacy. You may get what you wanted out of her.. but did she get what she needed out of you? Never make your wife feel uncomfortable doing things that do not fit her delicately designed womanhood. She is the prize God gave you, treat her like your most cherished possession and not your most used lazy boy. When your wife is completely satisfied, you have then reached the goal! SCORE!

4. Walk in the Spirit…I think you know where I am going with this. You and I cannot be intimate without being intimate with God. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance. You cannot become the man your wife desires outside of walking in the Spirit. As the Spirit has full control of you, you will have complete satisfaction in intimacy. The chase will become an adventure, the preparation will be a joy, and her fulfillment will become your goal. I hope something said will be a help to you as you continue this awesome journey with your wife.

Thanks for taking time to read!

Hearing Impaired

Katie and the castleThe other day Katie (my 6 year old) came to me so excited to show me her incredibly designed lego house. It was quite impressive. She showed me every nook and cranny of her masterpiece, from the pillars outside to the loft where humans and Disney characters go to relax. When she was satisfied with communicating her work of art I said, “you could become a great architect”. She shook her head with delight pretending to know what I was talking about.

A few minutes later she said “Dad”, with a sincere inquisitive look.

I said “yes sweet-heart”.

“What is a hark-itact”? Looking very confused!

My initial thought was, “why does she want to know what a heart attack is?” I said, “well a heart attack is when your heart stops and you die.” That might have been a little too pointed but I think she got it. I didn’t know how else to explain! I turned this whole conversation into something negative.

You should have seen the look on her face as she sat down in the chair looking quite worried. It finally hit me that she was trying to say ARCHITECT. I felt so bad for her as she thought I was saying she could become a good “heart attack”. I’m sure that was a good confidence booster for the kid!

I said, “ohhh, you want to know what an Architect is”, and I went on to explain the position.

This conversation led me to think about all the times God has tried speaking to me through circumstances, the Word, people, preaching, prayer, the Spirit and every other avenue He uses to speak to us and how I often confuse the message with, “Cody, your going to become a great Loser. You will eventually fail in your marriage. Your kids will stray from the faith. Your church will be overcome by the evil one.” You might be asking yourself…how could you think this way?

Easy…I begin interpreting and viewing the promises of God, His love, desires and message through the distorted carnival glass of this world instead of the clear, pristine image of His Word. God say’s “I love you” and I hear “I forgot you”. God say’s “Preach the Word” and I hear “Your going to offend someone”. God says “You can do all things through Me” and I hear “It all depends on you”.

You and I cannot look horizontally for what can only be given vertically. We cannot hear or see clearly the message and will of God by looking to the wisdom of this world that can only be given from another world. If the message is going to be clear make sure that you’re looking toward the person who is talking! “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our Faith” . Hebrews 12:2a Looking any where else will distort the message.

I will never forget Katie’s face when I misinterpreted what she said. I can think back on all the times God was speaking to me so clearly and as a fool I interpreted it as something negative. Oh how grieved God must have been at times. May we listen closer to what God says and clear out the distortions that Satan desires to place in the way of understanding God as He speaks to us!

Extra thoughts anyone….

15 Signs that your from Las Vegas NV

Las Vegas

 

 

 

 

 

1. You know what a “Terrible’s” is.

2. You have driven past Penn Jillette’s house thinking it was a glorified daycare/playhouse.

3. Burning your skin while buckling in is a normal occurrence.

4. Watching planes land is a family outing.

5. The only time you go to the strip is when family comes to town.

6. You have experienced wind burn.

7. Instead of mowing your lawn you sweep it with a broom.

8. You have been to the Lamborghini store pretending to be a buyer.

9. Your house is  only feet away from your next door neighbor and you never see them.

10. When its 50 degrees out and your in a puffer jacket, mittens and ear muffs.

11. You call the slot machine a “one armed bandit”.

12. You have become addicted to Slurpee’s

13. You become confused about rain.

14. You know the Summerlin theme song by heart.  “Hooooooome, this is hoooooome take a little walk…”

15. Your house has more square feet than your back yard.

 

I am sure there are many more, I just came up with a few to bring a smile to all my Las vegas friends! I would like to see what you come up with!

 

10 Personal Goals for 2014

goal's image

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here are my 10 personal goals for 2014.

1. Reach 1 New Prospect a Week (pray, call, write and encourage) Because Gods last command is my first priority!  People need the Jesus I get to spend time with everyday. It’s awesome! 

2. Read at least 6 chapters of Bible a day (personal reading, no study) I’m scared of reading more books about the Bible than the Bible itself. I would rather quote more of Jesus then of Spurgeon. 

3. Develop a deeper prayer list in my 2014 journal No brainer! 

4. Read 2 Pastoral Leadership Books, 2 Marriage Books, 2 Parenting Books Any suggestions are welcome. 

5. Write 1 blog post a week. Because whats one more blog? 

6. Run a 25K  Besides my personal devotions with God I have found no better release in ministry than hitting the pavement and releasing all my inner demons! lol! It relieves stress, better brain and body function, time with my wife, reaching a goal etc… To many benefits to mention.

7. Take each of my girls (Shonda, Katie and Bella) out on a date once a month  More important than the ministry is my family! 

8. Write 5 cards a Week (church, family, etc…) Because I am not good at writing cards! 

9. Start Master’s Program (1 class) Any suggestions where I should start are welcome! 

10. Save ($non-of your business) in the emergency fund I could live in a van down by the river but nothing says financial security for my wife better than having a larger emergency fund. Aaaand because Dave Ramsey told me to. 

My Wife and I sat down last week and shared these with each other and had a great time. It is exciting and refreshing to work toward these goals. They were all born out of a heart of prayer and Biblical principles. So thankful for my Savior whose goal was to save my soul. The least I can do is work on areas to glorify His name and balance every area in my life He has entrusted me with. I have a long way to go!

10 to 1 Principle!

provokepro·voke/prəˈvōk/

Verb:
  1. Stimulate or give rise to (a reaction or emotion, typically a strong or unwelcome one) in someone.
  2. Stimulate or incite (someone) to do or feel something, esp. by arousing anger in them.

The 10 to 1 principle can change your life and also the lives of others. Understanding this truth will open the door of freedom in your family, church, business and friendship. It is very simple yet extremely powerful. Exploring Biblical provocation can reveal the worst in relationships and unleash the potential in relationships. I will venture to say that you want your children to obey, your spouse to love, your boss to respect, your church to embrace and your peers to accept. How can we come closer to these types of relationships. Simple…the 10 to 1 rule.

So what is it?…

Catch “people” doing right 10 times more than doing wrong. If you want to provoke your children to wrath then point out  their faults 10 times more than their good. If you want your spouse to resent you, then become a nagging competer 10 times more than an uplifting completer. If you want your boss or employees to respect you then find 10 good things to say about them to every one criticism. If you want your church to embrace you then encourage the believer 10 times more than rebuke.

To neglect the 10 to 1 principle will result in our children disobeying on purpose in order to receive attention they so desperately crave from us, even if its the wrong kind of attention. They think “well Dad/Mom never notices when I do right but I receive a whole lot of attention when I do wrong”.  That is why Paul admonishes Dads in…

Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Colossians 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

If we catch them doing right 10 times more than wrong  they will be more inclined to obey. We will then begin  provoking them unto love and good works Hebrews 10:24.

Think about the benefits of the 10 to one principle…

1. Children, spouse etc… will receive correction gracefully because they are convinced we love them. We do love them right? 

2. Children, spouse, etc… will want to continue in love and good works when we recognize their love and good works.  Hebrews 10:24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:

3. Children, spouse, etc… Will develop more effectively into the person God wants them to because of the support and love we give them by the 10 to 1 principle. You and I cannot change anyone by criticism. (Although we oftentimes convince ourselves it works).  Love and prayer, depending on the Holy Spirit will go much farther in accomplishing the desire. 

4. We are fulfilling the second half of the great commandment of “do unto others what you would have them do to you”. Wouldn’t you want others to point out your good 10 times more then your bad?  Proverbs 14:21  He that despiseth his neighbour sinneth: but he that hath mercy on the poor, happy is he.  James 2:8  If ye fulfil the royal law according to the scripture, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself, ye do well:

5. You will have deeper, long lasting relationships by keeping the 10 to 1 principle. Proverbs 18:24  A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

6. We will become a wonderful portrait of our Savior.  Psalms 145:8 The LORD is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy.  1John 4:12 No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us.

The Need for Balance!

balanceHaving balance can make a marriage, a job, children, and a ministry more effective! In the last few months it has been very difficult for me to do this. I have two beautiful children that have needs, wants, and training. I have an  incredible wife who needs my time as well (its hers anyway). According to 1Corinthians 7:4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. I have a church to shepherd and I have many relationships around the country to keep current. As I struggle and learn in this area, I am reminded of a few Bible truths..

The Bible says in Proverbs 11:1  A false balance is abomination to the LORD: but a just weight is his delight.  

If we get out of balance, we are bound to fall, and we become ineffective for Christ!  I want to share  a few things God has been teaching me when it comes to the matter of balance.

 1. Fear God more than man. Lets face it. You and I cannot please everyone! I learned very quickly in Bible college this is true. I was out to please everyone and found out quickly that not every one likes Cody Kuehl. What a bummer! I came across a phrase I learned to live by, “God-pleasers will please the right people!” You will find your life out of balance when trying to please men. When meeting God’s expectations for your life you will find great balance in the priorities of your life! I strive to say NO when needed! This is VERY difficult for me, but very necessary.

2. Prioritize your calendar. I have given myself 7 priorities in life and they are as follows: God, Shonda (wife), Children, Church, Friends, Health and Finances. I have to place them on a daily calendar or they will become out of balance. Living by a calendar helps me to say “no” to the things that are good and prioritize the ones that are best. When I sit down and prioritize my schedule I find great relief and balance.

3. Break off your to-do’s in bite size pieces. You ever wake up in the morning, and before you can even scrape the sleep from your eyes…you realize something horrible, and terrifying… A major project is due that morning! You throw yourself out of bed saying “OH NO!!” Ever been there? Or am I the only one?  Taking care of our to-do’s can become a daunting task. We can easily get overwhelmed with our responsibilities and give up on it all. I must write down all of my tasks for the week and break them up through out the week. I have to remind myself not to wait until the last minute to get to my projects. It’s less stressful taking little bites at a time, than trying to cram the whole thing down my throat at once!  This will greatly increase balance in life.

4. Understand the tightrope principle. We are all walking on a tightrope (life) and we’re holding a balance bar (priorities). While walking on our tightrope we adjust our weight and balance bar to stay upright and balanced. When falling to one side we adjust our bar (priorities) to stay balanced on the tightrope  (life). You and I have to understand that adjusting back and forth is normal. There are seasons in life when we get out of balance quickly. The boss has us working overtime, the church is running a VBS or Open House, the kids have 3 soccer games this week etc… When you see your life getting out of balance, recognize  it and quickly make adjustments. If I miss a family day one week I will take two days the next week.

I am in no way perfect in these areas, but I do desire to please God with my life. I pray God will continuously grow me in balance.

Three Ways We Can Respond to a Trial!

It has not even been a week yet since we found out our 4 year old Katie Kuehl has cancer! She has been through a 7 hour surgery to remove a tumor the size of a cantaloupe! (Yeah, the thing was 2.2 lbs.) She begins chemotherapy on Thursday to eradicate any lingering cancer cells.

This will be one of many trials we will face as a family! The question I ask myself many times is, “How do we respond Biblically?” I have been praying and studying this matter out for the last 5 days and here is what the Lord has taught us so far.

We can respond ….

1. With Fear... When I heard the word “cancer” from my wife with tears in her eyes and it was our child, the first feeling I had was FEAR! I understand that fear is a natural instinct given by God. So the question is, why do we have it if God does not want us to fear?  We were given fear in order to reverence and respect our creator.  “1Samual 12:24 Only fear the LORD, and serve him in truth with all your heart: for consider how great things he hath done for you.” When going through a trial, the last thing we think is “how great things He has done for us”. Can I remind you that with God nothing is out of His control! Fear is dispelled by trusting in His ultimate plan!  “Psalms 56:3 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.” God is not grieved if we have fear he is grieved when fear has us. When you are afraid the Bible says TRUST IN CHRIST! We were talking with our Oncologist/Hematologist who has seen the worst and the best in life. She is in-tune with many theologians and scientists, who for decades cannot grasp the mysteries of life. I asked her, “How does your work affect your faith”? She said something very profound yet very simple. She said “I have accepted that a mystery can remain a mystery”. What she was saying was, “I trust God’s creation and plan although I do not fully understand”.

  • Fear grips and holds us back from moving forward.  Job said in Job 4:14 Fear came upon me, and trembling, which made all my bones to shake. Job remained faithful and recieved more in the end than in the beginning! 
  • Fear reveals our lack of faith in God. Matthew 14:30 But when he (Peter) saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?
  • Fear becomes our controlling spirit instead of the Holy Spirit!2Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

2. With Fire… Or anger! When I think of a fire I think of it’s consuming affects. It does not care who it burns and who it destroys. An interesting truth about a wild fire is that when it’s out of control, firefighters use fire to destroy itself. Ultimately a fire is self consuming and self destructive. It also sustains it’s power by burning others! I know this about people who allow anger to overcome them during trials, “They destroy themselves and others”.  Anger soon turns to bitterness, which is a miserable place to be. As one person put it, “bitterness is the poison we drink hoping others will die”. I have the propensity to become angry at God, but why should I allow that to destroy me and my family! Anger does not help the situation it only fuels the fire for more anger, bitterness, and fear! Anger is a choice we make! God looks at every situation with love and His plan in mind. We have to remember that God does not view life the same way we do.  Psalms 145:17 The LORD is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works. We can only understand His righteous and holy works if He allows us to. Until then I have to remember that He is the Potter and I am the clay, when anger overcomes me I become unusable day by day!

  • Anger will destroy me and others  Genesis 49:7 Cursed be their anger, for it was fierce; and their wrath, for it was cruel: I will divide them in Jacob, and scatter them in Israel.
  • Anger is foolish  Ecclesiastes 7:9 Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.
  • Anger reveals a lack of self control  Proverbs 16:32 ¶ He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.

3. By Faith… Having a relationship with the One I do not see has become more real than the ones I can touch. Hebrews 11:1 ¶ Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seenSomeone once asked “When your all by yourself  and the distractions are all gone, who am I?” I am proud to say that I have a personal relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! He was there at those times I felt all alone. He became my strength and high tower. There were times I felt like I was drowning and His presence lifted me out, Psalms 61:2 From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. I can honestly say that I found that Rock and climbed to the top were I found fresh air and an inward renewing! I can see from the top of that mountain all the wonders of God, and most of all.. His presence! I am overwhelmed by God’s precious people and by God’s powerful hand! If the Rock was not there I would still be drowning in fear and anger with no help for miles to see.

  • Faith comes by the Word of God Romans 10:17 So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
  • Faith reveals your love for God Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
  • Faith gives you what the world  cannot  Hebrews 13:20 Now the God of peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant,
  • Faith gives you strength and soundness through your trial Peter said in Acts 3:15 And killed the Prince of life, whom God hath raised from the dead; whereof we are witnesses.16 And his name through faith in his name hath made this man strong (Emphasis lame man), whom ye see and know: yea, the faith which is by him hath given him this perfect soundness in the presence of you all.

I believe that all things work together for good to them that love God to them who are called according to HIS purpose. God has a wonderful plan. If we are to be the soft clay he expects us to be… then we should be okay when a little pressure is applied in life. In the end He is trying to mold a family into a master piece!